Nap Time Debate: Pull Ups vs. Big Girl Underwear

Okay, so I promised the girls pediatrician that would just stop talking about potty training all together. I have been told over and over by this lovely man that "L" will surrender to toilet training when she is ready. He has also told me that he has seen too many cases of traumatized kiddos from the process of toilet training.

This being said I just don't know what to do. Majority rules on big kid underwear being that kids can't feel that they have gone in the pull ups. The cool alerts even pose a problem for some parents because the kids enjoy the cool feeling.

"L" my three year old daughter has been interested in using the potty since she was "H's" age just like "H" is interested now. Honestly, she is mostly interested in stealing her sisters big girl underwear with Dora and Princesses plastered all over them to run where sister can't grab her and put them on herself. Of course being that she is one this task proves to be to difficult. None the less, it does not stop her from trying.

Anyway, "L" goes back and forth day to day, hour by hour from pull ups and big girl underwear. She refuses to tell me when she has to go although she has expressed and shown me that she knows when she needs to go. It's a very frustrating task for this mommy. I have been understanding and kind and caring, but now I just want to get down to business. Am I suppose to wait for my three year old to look me dead in the eye and say "Okay mommy. I'm ready."? Does this really happen?

I have tried many things for "L" and yet she refuses to decide she is ready. I have bribed with candy, suckers, stickers and even tried rewarding her with more t.v. time. I have even sunk so low to tell her we would go visit her cousin if she would just go #2. Are you seeing now why the pediatrician has nixed my talking about potty training? I am simply going nutty.

So here's the thing. I feel too horrible to let her repeatedly potty on herself as she will just change her clothes or deny that she is wet in the first place. She keeps going #2 in her underwear even though I have succeeded a few times in convincing her to go #2 on the potty. On the other hand if I let her wear pull ups which are essentially diapers in disguise she will use them just as that, diapers.

So what do I do now? Put my foot down and tell her that is that? I don't personally think so, but is that what it takes to get kids potty trained? Is my pediatrician right and I just need to wait for her to be ready? How can a three year old really decide that she is ready to use the toilet? May I add that one day "L" expressed to me that she doesn't want to use the potty because she "wants to keep it."

I guess all I can say for now is that we are going back and forth from underwear and pull ups. I know putting a child in underwear and letting them figure it out works, but is that the trauma that the pediatrician has seen? Do they really decide on their own when they want to be all grown up? To be honest with you I am kind of tired of looking this subject up on different web sites looking for answers (which the girls pediatrician said I need to give up as well.)

So the only answer I have for today is: Both?