Nap Time Debate: Friend Vs. Mom

Okay, so technically it is nap time, but I am writing this while my three year old whispers behind me. She refuses to take a nap and she is lying on the couch with her daddy causing a little mischief while her little sister naps quietly in her crib. What I am debating today after spending some much needed "Lorelei and Mommy" time today is if I should be more of a friend or more of the typical MOM type.

I more than anything want to be a part of my girls lives and see them grow and learn and interact. I play with them and teach them. I take them swimming and to the park. I run with them to play catch and kick a ball. I even bake with them and do so many crafts the projects are starting to take up my home, but is my discipline is lacking?

I put Lorelei in time out when she does something like hit or kick, but she runs out laughing, but if I take a beloved stuffed animal away after misusing it she cries. I don't understand. Mischief is a game to my sweet Lorelei and I am wondering if I have let it manifest from being too close to her. Am I too much of a friend to Lorelei and Hannah?

I want what is best for my daughters by all means, but does that mean I need to back up a little bit? Should I be the mom who takes me girls to day care so they spend some time away from me? I wonder if my discipline isn't doing much for Lorelei. Hannah has already started standing on chairs and waits for me to stand up to get her before she sits down giggling. I sit down, she stands up and it keeps on happening until I take her down and she fusses.

Sometimes I fear that my girls look at me as a playmate instead of a mom. Although those moments Lorelei stops whatever she is doing in public or at home and hugs me and tells me how much she loves me. Hannah loves to cuddle and read books with me makes my heart warm. So here it is. I want to be both if there is such a thing.

I choose a friendly mom. Does that work? I want to keep communication open with my girls as they grow. I want to share with them what they enjoy and I want them to know their boundaries. I want them to grow to understand themselves and others, to be caring and respectful and to have high morals, to love one another and do whats right and not always easy.

I know my choices will always affect and be a apart of my children and I will always do my best, after all my mommy taught me that.

Lorelei helping Hannah up the stairs.

Dedicated to My Mom

I suffer from a peripheral vision impairment. Well not really, but it seems as though I spend every thought and bit of energy on my girls. I focus so much on their needs that I can't see what is going on around me. Between the mile long walks (which I enjoy too), beach days (I also enjoy), craft projects (sometimes enjoy), playing games, building things, crafting things, what to eat and when to eat, when to use the potty and change the diapers, etc. (the list goes on).

I can't seem to see the mess we are creating with our whirlwind day or week. Then all of a sudden my blinders come off and viola! Mess! This is even after picking up numerous times a day, vacuuming at least every other day, mopping, toilet bowl cleaning, numerous dish washing throughout the day. You name it. I do it all day long. After all of that the day comes where I notice somehow I have let everything go. How does this happen?

I'll tell you how. All my kids do is eat, sleep (rarely), poop and make a mess of dishes and clothes and toys. Yikes. I kid you, but it seems like the universe is playing some kind of trick on me. "You want to be a good mom and spend all moments with your children teaching, playing, nurturing. Well ha! You have to spend half of that time if not more cleaning up after your dog, husband, self and two kids. Now find time to relax and be carefree with the family."

I remember as a little girl just resenting my mother when she stayed in when the rest of the family went outside to play. What could she possibly be doing that was more important and more fun than playing outside with us? Cleaning! Either that or goodness forbid mom needs a nap.

Speaking of naps, I have been trying something new. My girls share a room with each other and I have always put them to bed at different times as to not wake the other. Lately I have been trying to get them to fall asleep in the room, in their own beds at the same time. This is proving to be difficult.

Hannah falls asleep now all by herself as does Lorelei of course, but together is a whole new story. I put Hannah down while Lorelei wanted to sleep in her tent (an indoor tent shaped like a tree). I walked out to finish up some of the laundry I had been trying to fold. After all I was only a few feet from their door. It was completely quiet so I assumed they were on their way to sleep. All of a sudden I hear "Hannah no. Mom can you come and get me out of this crib?"

Have I shared that the new thing is Lorelei climbing into Hannah's crib and coaxing her into jumping. Well apparently that has changed to trying to sleep in the same bed with her. Lorelei had put her pillow, blanket and numerous guys in the crib as well as herself. I guess it wasn't as easy getting out of the crib as in.

This morning while helping Lorelei to the bathroom (the door has a toddler proof nob) Hannah tailed behind. She sat down outside the bathroom door to wait patiently like she almost always does. (Either that or she tries to steal her sisters underwear and run off to put them on.) This time I look behind me assuming she is still in the same spot and she was gone.

Walking out of the bathroom I assumed I would find her quickly, but nothing. I couldn't find her anywhere. I realized quickly that the one day I left the slider open with only the screen blocking her to the patio she had gotten out of my site. I freaked out running from room to room. My heart fell to my knees when I finally called her. "Hannah." Just as I finished her name I see her pop out from under the desk and say "Boo." Now you must be kidding me. How can my one year old be that sly?

A few days before that we had ate our dinner and decided to go out for ice cream and the park. What a treat. The girls had so much fun and were exhausted by the time we got home. Since we had left so quickly for our desert I had some unfinished business with the dinner dishes. Hannah was on one side of the room playing with her Dora chair while Lorelei was in the play area minding her own business quietly playing.

If you're a parent you probably smell something with the slight sent of mischief. Well you would be correct. Lorelei seemed to have gotten a hold of her water bottle and was pouring all of the water on her toys. This spot she had chosen was just out of sight of where I could see her from the kitchen. Her excuse was that they needed to be cleaned. I guess I can give her a "golden star" for cleanliness.

All in a days work for this momma. Thank you to my mommy for putting up with my mischief, but I'm sure I never created any (she says with a wink).

A picture of my mom and I chatting it up at Lorelei's party.

Nap Time Debate: Rock-a-by-baby vs Cry It Out

It's not exactly nap time, but since I have had a few troubles in my household as of lately pertaining to nap times I sit here late at night typing away. Yes, in my house and in my chaotic brain after 8 pm is late.

My current situation isn't exactly horrible considering what it could be by any means. My three year old daughter has been sharing a room with her now one year old sister since she has been out of her bassinet. That being said, if you are a mother you know that doesn't exactly mean that she was sleeping through the night. My worries were that the infant would wake up the toddler and we wouldn't know what to do with ourselves. We'd be up all night with two kids who wanted to play so I would run into that room like there was a fire under my butt to make sure I helped the infant before she barely made a peep.

Now, again if you are a mother you know that isn't exactly the best thing for the infant and now my almost preschooler is waking up all hours of the night to sleep in mom and dad's bed. Oddly enough she tells us she is afraid of hearing a sound. After a couple of nights of consoling and making sure she is okay I have put a kibosh on letting her sleep in our bed. After all, mommy can't sleep with less than six inches of space and a foot in the mouth.

'H' has done okay as far as consoling herself, but she is also a one year old that has suffered from colic. Before we knew what was keeping her awake and keeping her crying we would put her in her infant swing and she would fall straight to sleep. It seemed to be the only thing that worked aside from my arms and a rocking chair and I have another daughter to tend to which didn't always make my arms available.

We had to quickly get rid of the swing as 'H' learned very quickly how to move and would try to wiggle right out of the swing. This has left me with a lot of sit down time in a rocking chair while a rambunctious toddler ran around us. We have actually rocked so much that my first daughters rocking chair broke when 'H' was about seven months old and are now onto our second glider.

I have finally put my foot down about rocking at all hours throughout the day as she seems to gravitate towards "mommy and me and rocker time" more than I can handle. The question here is what are a mom's options. Each child is an individual and has individual needs and mine just so happens loves being rocked.

I now spend at least fifteen minutes rocking her to ease every night and some nights she will lie down in bed awake and fall asleep on her own and other nights she will wail like she had numerous shots. Believe me, I know what that sounds like. We were just there. Here is a little bit from abcnews.com on the "crying it out."

"The Ferber Method

It's that last one that started it all, written in the mid-80s with Dr. Richard Ferber. His method was known as "ferberizing" and became synonymous with tough love: letting babies "cry it out" and self-soothe. Over the years, many conflicted parents, like the Byrnes and Grosses, have paced outside the nursery, watching the second hand while their little one "cried it out" alone for set time intervals.

Ferber says that "ferberizing" is actually "a great misunderstanding of what we try to do."

"I don't think I've ever recommended a 'cry it out' method," he says. "Crying is not a very happy thing. We don't want to see children crying, we don't want to see babies crying."

Ferber says his crying time chart was meant to be a last-ditch method to break specific and severe bad sleep habits. An updated edition of his book shortens the intervals of crying from five minutes to three."

In my house rocking has always won over crying it out. A little upset and wailing are two different things mind you. I never intend on teaching my kids wining or crying will get them their way, but I can't let my children cry beyond belief in the other room while I sip my coffee or fall back to sleep myself. On the other hand something needs to give a little. Here's hoping over coddling my not-so-baby-anymore wont permanently damage either one of us.

(Check out the entire article on abc's website at http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=4263379&page=1 )